You Cheap Asses Can Finally Afford Free Hookup Sites for No Money Down
Psh. Come here. Bring that ass over here, boy! I know that you are checking out for these free hookup sites that require no credit card.
Hold up, hold up. You heard that right. You don’t have to pay one dime for a dime piece of ass. Not to be all sexist, but the feminist gotta get their fair share too, and you women can get your clit licked for no money at all.
Before I encourage you to have sex, let me first say use a condom at all the times. Strap the fuck up!
But I see that you broke-ass mofos don’t wanna pay for shit. I get it. Rich people are cheap and wanna save their money. And poor people are cheap because they have no money. I get it. Well, we’re here to help you find free dating sites.
I gotta warn you out the gate. These free hookup sites will have some shitty ass people on them. I’m talking about overlapping bellies. Asses that jiggle like stale salami.
But if you just want to fuck and bust a quick nut, grab a hoe and go like a Hot Pocket, then you are in the right place.
A freakin’ site like Adult Friend Finder requires you to pay money just to send a freakin’ message. No one wants to do all of that shit! It takes too much work and effort.
Let me list the freebies that will please your wee wee.
Read our review list of the online dating sites that require no credit card payment.
Adult Friend FinderLargest Hookup Site with a Free Online Sign-up Process
- Mostly a middle age demographic
- Free downloadable apps in both the iTunes and Play stores
- Complimentary penis or pussy if you play your game right
Hold your motherfuckin’ horses for a moment. I know what you’re thinking. Throw this website in the garbage and say it’s a scam. I ain’t blind, I’ve read the TrustPilot reviews too.
But hold on, let me explain something. Adult Friend Finder IS free. Now, before you jump out of your seat to slap the dog shit outta me, let me explain further, little grasshopper.
Adult Friend Finder has a free section. Let me say that again to reach word count: AFF has a FREE SECTION!
You can fix up your profile like a handyman at no charge. Upload a pic without paying a cent. You can even chat in the live chatrooms (where only few exists) without subscribing to the Gold Membership. Let’s set the sail.
However, you will not communicate with one soul without that gold status. Too bad for you. But the no-cost features allow you to test out shit.
The free membership allows this stuff:
- Look through videos
- Check out the blogs to see what’s hot
- View members’ photos and upload some yourself
- Chat in the chatrooms
- Promo codes available to get the AFF Gold Membership for a cheaper price
- Can find an easy hookup tonight
- Free features limit the most important necessity of life - communication
- Because signing up is free, people create accounts all the time and abandon them
- It's raining men; say hi to the gay guys
- People will snatch your picture and use it as their own to catfish fools
- No interaction with others users unless you got the money, money, money
Be NaughtyFree App to Download
- Profile matching
- Easy-to-use user interface
- Photos are verified
- 24-hour customer service
What can I say, women love to use this hookup site!
Additionally, the young booties love twerking on this bitch. The average age is between 25 – 34. Young meat for the fresh skeet. Young pumas pouncing on the penises in the wild.
No card required to sign up, but to communicate with members is when payment starts screaming ‘Fuck you, pay me!’. Wanna talk to some honies? You’re in luck! You can see their messages, but you cannot respond. That rule only applies to the men.
For women, freedom is coming today. They can chat as long as they want for no charge while men gotta pay a fee.
- Attracts Gen Zs
- No credit card required for sign up
- Completely free for women to use
- Mostly a female population
- Not enough members to find someone in your neck of the woods
- Takes a while to sign up because you need to answer a bunch of questions
- Notifications up the ass
- Men gots to cough up the money to talk to honey
MatchNo Card Required to Sign Up for the Dating Site
- 18-question quiz to match you with a potential dater
- Local matches
- Interactive profiles
- LGBTQA+ friendly
- Mobile downloads
- Complimentary profile surfing
- 7-day trial
Oh man, you have probably saw commercials advertising Match.com. Correct?
But, guess what. Are you ready 4 dis? Match.com is just like any other free online dating site.
You can use all the profile features until you’re blue in the face, but the most important one, communication is off limits, unless you pay for that premium. However, Match.com throws you a bone because it always has a promotion going on. You can even get a couple of promo codes from coupon sites to save even more.
Did you like taking quizzes in high school? If not, then you will hate Match, lol. One major deal breaker for me is taking time to fill in that 18-question quiz. But it’s needed to help match with a mate.
- Lots of single women ready to mingle
- Accurate matches
- No communicating with matches unless you have a credit card in hand
- Have to invest about 15 minutes answering the freakin' quiz
Ashley MadisonMarried Dating Hookup Site with Features 100% Free for Women
- 60+ million members and increasing
- Attracts happy and unhappy married couples
- Many nice absolutely free features
- App available at no extra charge
Ashley Madison is the married dating site where goof balls go to cheat on their spouse. Usually, this site attracts older rich guys who have a yearning for beautiful young adult women.
And my gosh, there are some beauty on here!
Their makeup are plastered on their faces like they got hit in the face with a pie, but still look good nonetheless. Basically, it’s a central spot for sugar daddy-sugar baby relationships.
Is Ashley Madison free? Shit. If got a sausage between your legs, it ain’t free. Only vaginas are welcomed for no charge at all.
The only way men can bypass he pay page with an Ashley Madison generator. But you can’t trust those sites because they are laced with malware and adware. And ain’t no telling if the program works.
There is a silver lining. You can fill in details for your profile, read messages and respond without paying.
But the nature of the site is paying to play, so WTF. Maybe if you’re lucky ask Ashley Madison for a free promo code and she might say yeah like Usher. If not, then you’re shit out of luck.
Allegedly Coupon Chief has some coupon codes for credits, but you use them at your own risk.
- Absolutely free for women to use
- Feature to hide identity so no one recognizes you
- Browse through profiles with no limitations
- Seemingly encourages cheating
- Men gotta pay
- Some profiles are operated by scammers
eHarmonyFinally, A 100% Free Trial!
- Matchmaking system
- 60 million eHarmony accounts and counting
Everyone knows the name eHarmony. You remember those weird ass commercials that would pop on in the middle of the night with couples who claim they met on eHarmony. I never believed them.
This site has a matchmaking system. In order for it to match you with a potential date, you gotta answer a long list of questions. So you betta have some strawberry soda, some Chinese food, and a pair of glasses with you when you decide to sign up for this dating site.
But remember, its so you can find your “soulmate” and there’s no price for that. Pay…that…shit. After answering those questions, your 3-7 day trial with access to full features begins. But it is a basic account and some features are limited. You can see members and stuff, though.
- A free trial to use ALL the features
- Competitive ass rates
- Generally an even number of male/female
- Different types of people on there, not low class like Tinder
- Not 100% free
- eharmony sucks ass at times
- Hard to find people
- No pics on many acounts
- Cost a lot of freakin' money when the trial is over (I guess those commercials neglect to mention that)
- Hard time canceling that subscription
Elite SinglesIntellectual Types of Singles to Meet & Taste Some Meat
- An elite matching system
- More personalized dating
- Group of interesting people
- Meet matches close by
Salute to all the Elite Singles. You will be pleased to know that basic members can have their cake and eat it too. In other words, they can have some fun without paying some money.
Do you want people to see how you look? Good. You can upload a photo to the profile for no charge. Send likes and smiles to people who interest you. More importantly, see a list of matches of your potential hookups. Moreover, you can author that profile as much as you want till you’re blue in the face. Can you say, pimpin’ pinpin’.
But you already know we gotta sing lyrics from a sad song. Commenting, messaging, and profile access requires you to become a premium member.
- Intelligent people that can actually have a real conversation
- Free to upload to photos
- Google and Apple apps available
- Can't do diddly squat without the premium account, as usual
- 29-question long ass questions about random shit that will take 15 minutes to complete
- No free tral
- A little more men than women
- Majority of users hate the damn app-not a good look
ZooskLong-Time Popular App with Free Registration
- Average age of users is 24 - 43
- 40 million members
- 30-day trial available
- Apple and Google apps
If you have surfed these internets and cam across random messages from bots saying Zoosk does this and Zoosk does that, then you probably already know about this website.
Zoosk has almost an even split of men and women. How did they accomplish that herculean feat?
Is Zoosk free? Hell to tha’ nah! But the site does offer a 30-day trial that grants access to all the main features.
Matching with profiles is completely free. Like, who gives a flying fuck about that one, right? Creating your dating profile and adding photos is free. Sending likes and smiles is free. And finding different singles in your area is free. Alrighty then.
- Forced photo verifications. Yippie!
- Complimentary Zoosk coins available
- Expensive
- Can't message anyone without paying to open the features
BumbleFree Online Dating App Catered to Women
- Most simplest totally free no credit card dating site - if there is such a thing
- Group chats
- 60% of matches end up in conversations
Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. Bumble is the place you need to be.
Why?
Because it has an abundance of buns. Women love using this app because of the color yellow. Women like yellow!
Speaking of women, we need to inform you that feminists run this site. So, dudes, you won’t be able to get your porn dreams fulfilled here. This ain’t Tinder or Plenty of Fish. You gotta put your work in, man.
Yep, women run the show. They choose who they want to talk with. You can request a connection with a woman, but only she can choose whether she want to engage in a conversation. Therefore, all you Ninja Turtle-Master Splinter lookin’ motherfuckers don’t stand a chance.
If she does not like your profile for any reason, then pop goes the weasel – she’s moving on to the next profile, bih. A female user has 24 hours to respond to your match. If she does not then you can kiss her ass bye bye!
- Women don't gotta pay a thing
- Profile photo verifications
- Women are plentiful
- Almost an equal balance of women to men
- 24 hour to respond to your match - no one got that type of time when you're horny
- Ugly men don't stand a chance - take your ass to the telephone partylines where people cannot see you
Plenty of FishFree Hookup App to Meet Plenty of Fish
- Free iTunes and Google Play app downloads (one of the most popular social networking sites on the planet)
- Most users are young adults
- Free livestreaming
- 73-question chemistry predictor
The name Plenty of Fish basically let’s you know what the site is all about. Plenty of Catfish – people who pretend to be someone else. A guy might post up a pick of Ginuwine and really look like a Lemon Lime. Sour ass mofo. Add a photo of George Clooney and really look like George Booney or George Clownery. Women might post pics of Kim Kardashians but rally look like Kim No-ass-like-men.
Plenty of Fish, shit, should be called plenty of dicks. Assholes, rude people, ignorance – you got it all. That’s all you will find on there; horny males looking for women. Although the app is totally free and require no credit card, these women have been ran-thru like a tube tunnel during London rush hour.
Does Plenty of Fish have a premium account subscription? You know it! How else would these mofos make money, honey? All the premium account does is give you more images to upload, connect you with more people, no ads, and other stuff. But the basic features are FREE.
Basically if you want the “full” experience then become a member, but POF gives you more freedom than other online dating site. You can meet and fuck someone tonight for sure.
- 100% free - not many dating apps are totally free to use
- Ever-loving popular
- Easiest way to get a free booty call
- Refers to their users as 'fish' - what are you insinuating, sir?
- Easy for account to get hacked - allegedly
- Buggy and glitchy than a mug
- It's raining men - grab a mofo umbrella
GrindrThe Freest Gay Site Ever
- 100% gay
- So many customizations and filtering systems
- Free chatting, viewing photos, profiles, app, and registration
- Free ads, just kidding
- Equality for all!
Are you gay, gay, gay? Oh, kay, kay, kay! Whoopsie!
Grindr is the number one free gay dating site, and guess what! Drumroll, please! It’s FREEEE. No, no, no, not ‘Adult Friend Finder, ‘I’m gonna charge you for every message you send ‘ free, or even a POF, ‘Most of the features are free but we still offer a premium account on the side’ FREE. Nope, this site is 100% absolutely, completely, and totally free all around
Dammit!
Why can’t ‘straight’ dating sites be like this? Gays always got themselves together.
Grindr Xtra, however, gives you a chance to upgrade your account to open more features, gives you access to more men, and put your profile at the top of list to make it easily visible.
- 100% free gay hookup site
- One of the first apps on the net
- Hundreds of profiles
- It's raining men, literally
- Lots of ads
- These guys want sex, sex, sex and STIs (use protection!)
TinderFree Hookup Site with No Strings Attached
- Swipe right and left to match with potential NSA hookups
- Simple app downloadable for Android and Apple OS smartphones
- Easy to read and decipher information on the profiles
Tinder has over 57 million people trying to hookup with someone tonight. Move bitch, please, get out the way!
If you can’t find any sex on Tinder, then I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe your calling in life is to get married.
Swipe right if you approve how someone looks or swipe left if you reject. Not only is Tinder free, but it’s a very easy site to use. That means anybody can find their way around the site.
The profile has a pic and basic biography information about the person laid out in an easy-to-read way.
There’s not much more to say about Tinder. Also, I wanna finish this article ASAP! Time to move onto the FAQs, boo!
- Cool, updated style
- All about the hookups
- Freaky ass women
- Quick and easy sign up
- Extremely popular
- Underage persons be on there - go watch Barney, mofo
- Will likely match and hook a catfish or scammer
Bonus Website: Chatrooms
Look man, you don’t have to settle for these weird ass dating sites and put in all that damn work matching and chatting. Cut out the middle man and get your ass on an internet chatroom pronto. I knew women who would get on these webcam chatroom to meet men. Live chatting worldiwde is sometimes better and more authentic than using those catfishing sites.
Why Should You Use A Free Hookup Site?
Duh, they’re free. You don’t have to pay a thing, initially. If you’re the type of person who likes to get free sex, with herpes sprinkles on top, then these sites are for you.
What Type of People Are You Likely to Meet?
Knock, knock, knock. Is anyone there? What type of people do you think are looming around on free dating websites? The lowest of the low. White supremacists. Black drugs dealers. Asian brides. Every damn body. You name it, they’re there.
A paid site has better quality people. Obviously, the more you pay the better. The more you pay, the more sex you get. However, you need to be very judgmental on all of them. Crack open that third eye and follow this one major rule you should never break: don’t trust no one. Trust me, when it goes bad, they will blackmail your ass.
*A tear flows out of my eye*
Are These Online Dating Sites Safe for Singles?
Using these free dating sites is as safe as going to a nightclub in the ghetto on a Saturday night on the Fourth of July with a bunch of drunk people. HELL NAH! You might be safe for a few nights, but keep going into that environment and something’s bad gonna happen sooner or later. That’s the territory of dating sites. Just because one date goes well, does not mean the others will follow suit.
Final Word
That was a long article. Whew! My hand hurts and my brain feels like mush. I’m glad I wrote it and got paid already. If you’ve made it to the end, then I want to congratulate you with a job well done. You can masturbate to give yourself a pat on the back-with your LEFT hand (RIGHT HAND if you’re LEFT handed).
We’ve finally reached a milestone covering the best free hookup sites that require no credit card.
Some of the features are paid on some sites and others are completely free, but you can get buns for no down payments.
See you again on one of our other articles. I’m out! See-ya!
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God damn it. I read that whole damn thing just to end up right where I was at the beginning. With no fucking answer to the genuinely free site dilemma. Sadly, CL was the only real way for a straight guy to win, but those days are dead and gone.